Big Plans, Big Crash
by agent m1
Summary: Dumbledore give Harry a chance to experience something that could have been his all along. What will Harry do with that experience?


Title: Big Plans, Big Crash   
Author: Agent M   
Rating: PG-13 for language   
Pairings: None really   
Archive: Tainted Wings (www.colourovers.net/wings), anyone else ask first  
Disclaimer: I own nothing that isn't mine. "Big Crash" is by Less Than Jake   
Notes: Sequel to "Clear Colour" and 2nd in the songfic trilogy. Harry POV   


* * *

"How's it feel to be an outsider, Potter?"

"How's it feel to be an asshole, Malfoy?" I mumble as I walk by. 

"What did he say?" Malfoy asks Crabbe. 

For sure, I am not in the mood to deal with the petty shit between Malfoy and I. That's a sure sign that I really must be going insane.First I voluntarily talk to Snape, of all people, about a personal problem in which I preceded to cry in his presence. Now, I'm passing up a verbal spat with Malfoy.

Although, more and more our arguments have become one-sided. He willthrow out an insult and I will say something under my breath and walk away. I don't know who this is more aggravating for; me who can't decide if I want to hate Malfoy or be his friend, or Malfoy who is, if anything, persistent. 

What this feels like is walking up to the gallows on my own accord. Talking to Snape is one thing. I don't give a damn what he thinks about me, either way even if he has proven himself to capable of a human emotion other than animosity. Talking to Dumbledore, on the other hand, is that last thing I want to do. 

You know that saying you always hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways. 

Dumbledore is like a father to me. He has been there since the beginning helping me, giving me advice, and looking away when need be. Knowing that he knows the situation is completely different than actually telling him about it. I would hate myself if I did anything to disappoint the man. The same goes for Sirius. He is the closest link to a family I never knew and I love him as I would my own father. Both of them care for me and would want me to be happy, right? I'm not sure if I'm willing to take that risk. 

But for once in my life, I agree with Snape. I need to talk to Dumbledore about this, as much as it hurts. And maybe Snape was right, "It'll all work out in the long run."

Conveniently enough, I find myself in front of the gargoyle that guards Dumbledore's office. Figuring he must still be at dinner I slide down the wall and to the floor. I pull my knees up to my chest and wait for Dumbledore to return. 

Anymore, I just don't have the strength to keep going like this. I don't know why I just can't accept that fact that I am in Gryffindor and that's where I belong. My mother and father were in Gryffindor. All of the important people in my life, in fact, were in Gryffindor. How many people am I hurting by even thinking these thoughts? 

It doesn't really matter. I should be asking how many people have hurt me. Those are the people who have caused these thoughts. Ron, the person that I would have called my brother. Hermione, who was the closest thing to a sister a guy could ask for. The other Gryffindors who don't understand how deep the cuts run. 

For appearance's sake the "Dream Team" is fully functional. Outside Gryffindor no one knows that we hardly share a word except in the presence of others. If someone asked me when this started I wouldn't have an answer. In a way it was inevitable. We three were too good to be true. And this is not a fairy-tale. Life is not full of Prozac packed happy endings. 

_Sometimes, I think something's wrong with me because   
I was never one to believe in anyone or anything   
It's always been just me._

"Harry, we missed you at Dinner," Dumbledore says. 

I look up and find his standing in front of me.

"I was talking with Professor Snape, sir," I say scrambling to me feet. 

He chuckles, "I hope you two weren't giving each other trouble." 

"Quite the opposite," I inform him.

"Indeed," He smiles; the ever-present twinkle in his eye tells me he was already well aware. "Do come in, Harry."

I follow Dumbledore into his office, my mind protesting with every step I take. This is wrong. I should not be doing this. I don't want to do this. Not now. Not ever. But I know I need to. It has become necessary for my survival. 

Fawkes ruffles his feathers as we walk in the room then quickly settles down as Dumbledore moves over to pet him. 

"Tea?" He asks. 

"Thank you, no." 

"So what brings you here today?" 

I sit myself down in a chair across from Dumbledore and begin an extensive study of my hands.

"This is difficult for me to say, sir," I start nervously making a conscious effort not to meet Dumbledore's eyes. "But I know I need to do this so I might as well get it over with. Lately, I have been feeling uncomfortable in my surroundings. And it's not as if I don't like them. I love Gryffindor, I do, but something isn't right and I can't put my finger on it, but it's there. 

"If the Sorting Hat was right then why does it feel so wrong half the time?" 

What I am feeling is complete and total vulnerability. I'm not going to cry. I can't cry in front of Dumbledore. I won't let myself do it.

But Dumbledore is merely looking at me thoughtfully.

"Harry, do you remember the question you asked me the first time I ever visited you in the Hospital Wing? The question that I would not answer for you?"

"I asked why Voldemort wanted to kill me in the first place."

"And do you remember what I told you when you returned from the Chamber of Secrets the next year?"

"You said that I belonged in Gryffindor because I pulled Godric's sword from the Sorting Hat."

"No, Harry, that's where you are wrong." 

I know I must be looking at Dumbledore like he grew a second head. That is what he said wasn't it? 

"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not sure I follow," I say.

"You were, as you are now, questioning if you should really be in Gryffindor. When you pulled the sword out of the hat I told you 'Only a true Gryffindor could have pulled _that_ out of the hat.'"

"And?" 

"Harry, the reason that Voldemort wanted to kill you is because you match him in power. You, Harry Potter, are an heir of Gryffindor. A _true_ Gryffindor. A Gryffindor by blood, not just in house."

My parents. My father, it had to be. My father was an heir of Gryffindor, as well. Both deaths suddenly explained better than ever before. And chalk one up on the list of things that set me apart from the rest of the wizarding world. Dumbledore might as well tell me that I'm also part dragon.

"So," I force myself to speak, "if I am a Gryffindor heir, why was the Sorting Hat's first choice Slytherin?"

"That, Harry, is where things begin to get complicated." 

Oh, good, I'm thinking.

"For some reason, you have both Gryffindor and Slytherin blood in you. At first we believed that it was because of the transfer of Voldemort's power to you. That explains the Parseltounge, if nothing else. We run into trouble here because it seems that somewhere along the line, the Gryffindor and Slytherin bloodline met and then split again. When I said you were _an_ heir, I meant that. We doubt that you are the only one, though probably the only one of your generation. As you know, Mr. Riddle is also a Slytherin heir."

"Why didn't you tell me this before? Why wasn't it common knowledge that my father was an heir?" I ask getting a bit impatient. 

"How do you think you would have taken this news at eleven, after just seeing the face of a man who was after your life? I knew I would tell you when the time was right. And now, it appears, is the right time."

"And my father?"

"I'm sorry to say that no one knew until it was too late. And then it was you that clued us in. Our remaining hope." 

I nod and I can feel the tears building up behind my eyes. 

_And y'know they've always had big plans for you   
Just to walk you through and cloud your views_

"What you are feeling now is a schism inside you. You were almost put in Slytherin because you are part Slytherin and you can belong there. But you protested and because of your Gryffindor side the Hat placed you there instead. 

"You hold the traits and ideals of both Slytherin and Gryffindor. Truth be told, Harry, you belong in both houses."

"So, what do I do now?" I ask. "I may be ideally suited for both houses but I might not be compatible with them."

"Quite true, Harry. What do you think needs to be done about this situation?"

"Professor, this is hard enough for me to talk about, something I never planed to do anyway. I haven't a clue what I want done, if anything. Besides, quite honestly, my head is still spinning from all of the information you just handed to me," I answer truthfully. 

Dumbledore nods and gives me a knowing smile.

"I just want to feel like I am home again and if I'm lucky, find a true friend as well."

"I think I may have a solution for you. If you would come back tomorrow morning before breakfast, well see what we can do." 

"Thank you, sir. And I am sorry." 

Dumbledore looks confused. "Why are you sorry?" 

"Because I am always causing so much trouble for you and you have always helped with a smile. And I am sorry that I might want out of your house." 

"Harry," Dumbledore chuckles, "if it is anyone's house, it's yours. You are the Gryffindor, after all." 

I smile weakly and leave his office. 

--- 

I find myself sitting in Dumbledore's office. Last night couldn't have passed any slower. Despite my familiarity with it, I have never done well in seclusion. At least breakfast is easier in some ways. With the façade present I don't feel so alone.

I am somewhat nervous. Dumbledore has no doubt come up with a plan that is distinctly his and, while I find comfort in that, we all know Dumbledore has a less than conventional way of doing things. 

Dumbledore looks up at the door and a second later it opens to revel Snape followed reluctantly by none other than Draco Malfoy. Snape gives me an almost sympathetic look, nearly causing me to fall out of my chair. 

Malfoy stands off to the side of the room and looks like he has less of a clue about what is going on than I do. I'm sure his mind is going over all the things he has done this week that could have gotten him in trouble. I inwardly groan. For sure, nothing good can come of this. 

Snape and Dumbledore talk quietly to each other for a moment.

"Thank you, Severus," Dumbledore says as Snape moves towards the door. Snape nods and leaves the office.

Dumbledore turns to Malfoy and I looking the picture of calm.

"Draco, I have asked you here today because of Harry." Malfoy stiffens at this and I have to stifle a snigger. "Don't worry. You are not in trouble. Far from it, in fact." 

Why, oh why does Dumbledore have to bring Malfoy into this? Like I don't have enough problems already.

"The circumstances are unimportant, Draco, but I need Harry to act as your 'shadow' for the next two days."

"What?!" Malfoy and I ask at the same time. 

Dumbledore continues unfazed, "For two days Harry is in Slytherin. You will treat him as a Slytherin. He will attend all of your classes, eat with you, sleep in your dorm, everything." 

If I look anything like Malfoy does right now, we are both in a complete state of shock. Of all the Slytherins Dumbledore has to pick him.

"And I assure you that house points will be taken in large amounts of cooperation is not full," Dumbledore says quite sternly to Malfoy.

"Don't I get a say in this?" I ask.

Dumbledore smiles, "Draco, I would kindly ask you to wait outside for a moment and Harry will join you shortly." 

Malfoy looking lost in his state of shock, exits without protest.

"Harry, if he gives you any grief remember this: you deserve to be in Slytherin more than he does." 

And with that Dumbledore dismisses me and I walk in a daze out to the hall to start my first of two days as a Slytherin. 

Malfoy is leaning against the wall and kicks off it as I walk towards him. 

"So, the _great_ Harry Potter in Slytherin. What do we owe this honor?" 

I want to say so many things to him right now. I want to tell him how he should be honoring me. How I am an heir of Slytherin and he is just a stuck up asshole. Five years of taunting all come rushing at me from all sides. The tables are turned and Malfoy has no fucking clue. 

But I don't do any of that.

"I'm only here for two days. So you better make the best of it, Malfoy."

"I can hardly wait." In the usual Malfoy style, this is dripping with sarcasm. 

"Come along boys, you'll be late for breakfast," Dumbledore says as he leaves his office. 

I sigh and follow Malfoy into the Great Hall. 

---

What I feel when I walk into the new silence that fills the Great Hall is fear and power. First I feel the fear of entering with Malfoy and having to walk confidently to the Slytherin table to eat breakfast with them. The power kicks in a second later when I realize that I evoked the response of silence from the entire school. 

Am I beginning to think like a Slytherin already? 

As soon as I am seated the whispers begin. The Slytherin table is looking at me in shock, except for Malfoy who is pointedly ignoring me. I can just imagine what everyone is thinking. That I have giving up on all my beliefs and gone to join the "enemy." But I just can't think of them being the enemy any more. Not all of them. They may not be nice but does that mean they are inherently evil? I guess I'll find out.

_And I'll never say that everything's O.K.   
and you don't want to say that you're giving up right now  
so hold your ground and don't give up in what you believe _

Snape comes over to the table and greets me like a real person.

"Potter will be joining our ranks for the next two days," Snape informs the rest of the Slytherin table. "And you _will_ treat him as one of your own. This is very important and I will not take the matter lightly. Neither will Dumbledore or the other professors." 

Shocked would be putting it mildly. I don't know why Snape is being so supportive about the whole situation. Perhaps we have both come to some unspoken understanding. Whatever the reason, I am not going to question it. 

Ron slowly makes his way to the table and just looks at me for a moment.

"So, we weren't good enough for you after all?" He asks. "Joining those who made your life hell? Giving up everything you once stood for? I should have seen it coming." 

I am about to respond when someone beats me to it.

"You aren't good enough for anyone, Weasley." 

The Slytherins laugh and as much as I hate to have Ron picked on, even after what has come to pass between us, it felt nice to have someone stick up for me in some way.

I watch as Ron's face turns bright red and he narrows his eyes at me.

"I'm not giving up on anything," I whisper through clenched teeth. "I am taking a chance for once."

"Is there something you needed, Mr. Weasley?" Snape asks. 

Ron opens and closes his mouth a few times, searching for something to say. He looks at me sitting next to Malfoy one last time before turning on his heal and walking away.

---

I am less Malfoy's shadow now than I have ever been. Since breakfast we have been ignoring each other except when the need be. In fact, other than a few Slytherins who aren't close to Malfoy talking to me, and a whole new class schedule, the day has not been much different. Snape continued to pick on me in Potions and I would not have had it any other way. I still am the Boy-Who-Lived, after all, despite which house I am in. 

More than anything it is sitting in the Slytherin common room that makes all the difference. For some reason it is not how I remembered it from second year when Ron and I used the Polyjuice Potion to sneak in. It seems much warmer, but that could be that it is now full of people and I am welcome there in some way. The 6th and 7th year Slytherins have yet to acknowledge my presence and the 1st and 2nd years seem to be nervous around me for some reason. The rest are, surprisingly enough treating me like a real person. That is if you exclude Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy Parkinson, which I do.

So I'm sitting here doing my homework, just being alone but not minding it for the first time. It isn't like in the Gryffindor common room. There you always have to be with someone, doing something. Here I feel that it is okay to keep to myself. It's almost calm. Not at all what I would expect. 

Eventually, it is only Malfoy and I left in the common room. It's not as if I can go to bed without him, as I don't know where he sleeps or where I am supposed to for that matter. He seems to be deep in thought and is staring intently into the fire.

"Why are you here?" He asks not taking his eyes away from the flame.

"Because of who I am," I answer unsure of what he wants to hear.

"What does that mean?"

I sigh, "Slytherin was the Sorting Hat's first choice." 

He's looking at me now. 

"Then why," He starts.

"Ron," I say cutting him off. "If I had met you first. Something more than just that moment in the robe shop…." 

He looks back at the fire taking this in.

"Why now?" 

"Ron," I answer again. "He and I…."

"I know."

"He's not very accepting," I admit. 

We both sit in silence for a bit and then he turns to me again.

"That's not the only reason is it?" 

"No." 

He nods, "I thought as much."

"Do you know what it's like to live up to someone else's expectations of what they think you should be?" 

"You have just described life as a Malfoy," He replies then looks up at me in shock. I guess he spoke without thinking. "So, where does Slytherin fit in?"

"I just want to be myself somewhere," I answer. 

Silence hangs in the air between us.

"Come on, I'll show you where you sleep." 

And I follow him out of the common room and into the 5th year boy's dorms.

_Big plans, big crash   
Why be different when you can't be yourself?_

--- 

The feeling of panic that rushes over me when I first open my eyes quickly passes, when I remember that I am in the Slytherin dorms. That's where I slept and that is where I am supposed to be. I rub my eyes and search for my glasses wondering what it was that woke me up. I pull back the curtains on the four-poster that once sat unused in the room and look around. Malfoy's bed is empty but Crabbe, Goyle, and Blaise's curtains are all drawn tight around their beds.

I stretch and lay back down staring up at the ceiling just thinking about the previous day. Things went a lot smoother than I would have thought. I got a few strange looks from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw and a few hurt ones from Gryffindor, but no one tried anything. I reckon that they all got some sort of explanation from the head of their houses like the one Snape gave Slytherin.

"Sleep well, Potter?" 

I look up and Malfoy is standing over me.

"Yeah."

"Are you usually an early riser or is it because of the unusual surroundings?"

"No, I usually have to drag Ron out of bed in the mornings." 

The conversation between us doesn't feel forced but has a layer of discomfort in it. 

"Um, the showers are just through there if you want," Malfoy says and I suddenly realize that he is only in a towel.

"Thanks," I say and hurry into the bathroom. 

When I enter the Great Hall with Malfoy this morning, the only people who take notice are Ron and Hermione. I make eye contact with them as I sit next to Malfoy and begin breakfast. Ron seems hurt and I can't help but wonder why. He was the one that isolated me first. The one who pushed me away. I guess he figured I would always be there. 

You shouldn't take people's hearts for granted. 

As the day passes, more Slytherins warm up to me. I don't doubt that they had the same prejudices against me as I did them. I was probably only, as Snape said, "the new celebrity" and nothing else to them, just as I saw them only as manipulative and evil people.

Hagrid, to my immense relief, treated me no different than before as I stood around his cabin with the rest of the Slytherin class. Professor McGonagall smiled warmly at me as I was leaving Transfiguration today, showing her support for me in her own way. And as usual Snape was bitter and resentful, yet understanding in his own way. All together things felt normal with one exception.

Malfoy and I began talking like acquaintances. He would crack a joke and we would laugh together or we talk about Quidditch. Neutral topics. But it felt right. Like it should have always been that way. 

Don't get me wrong. I would not give up the time I spent with Ron and Hermione for the world. They are good people. That's not what I am saying at all. Good people can't be good friends to everyone all the time. And quite honestly, I don't think they truly understood me. 

_Sometimes I think something's wrong with me   
Because I was never one to believe in anyone or anything. _

And suddenly I am back outside Dumbledore's office waiting for him to come let me in. It has been two days and it is time for me to make my decision. 

"Harry, it's good to see you again so soon. Gumdrop," Dumbledore says and the gargoyle moves aside to let us pass.

"Sir, before I say anything I want to thank you for giving me this chance. It's doesn't seem like something that happens every day."

"If you were anyone else, Harry, this would not have happened." 

I groan. Here it goes again. Me being special is something I will never escape.

"No, Harry, it isn't because you are the Boy-Who-Lived. It is all about who your family is. It is quite an unusual situation to be of two houses and in such situations certain rules must be bent."

"I understand."

"So have you come to a decision then?" Dumbledore asks.

I'm thinking of all the people who are in my life: Sirius and Lupin, Ron and Hermione, Dumbledore, Malfoy, Voldemort, the Dursley's, my parents… everyone. And I make my decision.

---

"I would like to have everyone's attention," Dumbledore says and the hall goes quiet. "You may have noticed that for the past two days Harry Potter was a member of Slytherin house. Due to circumstances beyond our control here at Hogwarts, Harry has had to make a decision regarding the rest of his education." 

From outside the Great Hall I can hear everyone whisper to each other as Dumbledore pauses. 

"The details of the situation are inconsequential at this juncture, but the decision has been made. From now on Harry Potter is a member of Slytherin house." 

The hall is dead silent as I walk into the hall wearing my new Slytherin robes and take a seat across from Malfoy at the table. Then the Slytherins burst into applause and slowly the rest of the school does as well. Malfoy smiles at me and I smile back and I know I have made the right decision.

Ron and Hermione approach me after breakfast on the way to Double Potions, the only class I have left with them.

"Why?" Ron asks."Why did you do it?" 

"I need to be me, Ron. There are just some things that I have no control over and who I am by birth is one of them."

"What do you mean?" Hermione asks.

"Let's just say that I could easily be in either house and leave it at that," I answer.

"But what about us?"

"Ron, there hasn't been an 'us' for a long time. We all know that. This doesn't change much. It's not like I am going to suddenly hate you. There will always be some sort of friendship between us."

"Harry, just don't go changing just because you are in a new house. Just because you have to live with Malfoy now." Ron almost begs.

"I can't promise you that. I just have to be me. That's all I want."

"And you need to be in Slytherin for that to happen?" Ron questions.

I shrug, "It'll all work out in the long run." 

_And I don't want to say I'll never change   
because things always change. _

And I walk away from the two constants in my life and for the first time in my life I feel okay about it. I am doing something for me for once. Not to save the whole world. Not to make Dumbledore or Sirius happy. Not for anyone else. And maybe I'm being selfish but I don't care. I made my choice and I am sticking to it. 

And as I walk into Potions and take my new seat next to Malfoy and have him greet me as a human being, I know that it was the right one for me. And that's all that matters. 

_Big plans, big crash   
Why be different when you can't be yourself? _

-end- 

---  
end notes: i think this song (which is wonderful. go download it) fits harry quite well. he is always being singled out for being different, but he never can if he can't just be him. not the boy-who-lived, but just harry. oh, the things that go on in my mind...

This is Agent M signing off. 


End file.
